She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
