found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
