I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
