I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize