New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
