Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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