There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
