the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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