i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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