My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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