it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just forgot I was standing up.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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