Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Holy sore nipples Batman
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
