Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
