there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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