I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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