just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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