Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
