Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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