I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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