I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
