If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
