There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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