i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize