How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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