I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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