it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
