did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I believe in your delicious
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
