You're so nebulous sometimes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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