i think my mom watched the whole time
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
