Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
