I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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