i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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