I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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