Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my sisters under your porch take her home
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize