i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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