I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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