he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
