May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
