please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
