OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
