I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
