I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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