They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
