I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
please come you make the beer taste better
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize