I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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