he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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