She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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