You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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