very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
