I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
