I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
