i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
