Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
