My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
