Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sober January is a disaster.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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