I can text with my tongue
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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