I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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