I wanna bring you to show and tell
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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