Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
