You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
